Welcome back boys. The moment we’ve all been waiting for. Another year which means another year of heartache, another year of devastation, another year laughing at Robbo. The joy it brings me to be writing this to you guys on this very special day, happy football fellas. We got a full slate of games so lets dive right into this one.
- It’s-A-Me-Lamario vs Gould Hunt
Where do I even start with these 2 bottom feeders? We got the 2019 ice champ squaring off against the 2018 ice champ in this marquee matchup. We have an electric rebrand for It’s-A-Me-Lamario, which is sending some buzz around the community while Gould Hunt brands into one of the most boring but accurate representation of its owner. Without even looking at the matchups you know who I’m going with in this one. Gesicki and Josh Allen are going to be playing patty cake this Sunday while Gould Hunt’s rosterbates to the guru predicting a gallup as a breakout this week. Take It’s-A-Me, take the points, take the money, take the ‘gould’ this ones a runaway.
- Officer Dickskin vs Stafford Infection
“Sometimes we laugh sometimes we cry but I guess you know now” -Robby Doscas
Whats week 1 without a little rivalry week? Theres hitting the lotto, theres bringing home the busty bimbo from the bar and then theres this. Sometimes I wish I had something nice to say about robbo but hes makes it so damn hard. Where do I even start with this dumpster fire?
Starting QB: broken back
Starting RBs: never played a snap of NFL football
Starting WR: they’re trying their best
Starting DEF: the DETROIT LIONS
Starting K: mason crosby.. Can’t hate on the legend
All I gotta say boys, BLM.. More importantly Dickskin lives matter. Officer cruises by in week 1 as the staff infection looks for a penicilin shot.
- Can you CeeDeez Nuts vs Hold My Goff Balls
Another year, another wagon drafted by matty no rings. I mean across the board this team has got talent. Elite RB1 and RB2, solid WRs, Elite TE, da bears D, I mean this team doesn’t have any holes. It’s a shame this organization reminds me so much of the Cowboys, filled with talent at every position yet just can’t finish. Its as if this team is lacking dedication or loyalty.. Some may even go as far as to call them fraudulent. Fortunately for the Goff Balls, they are playing the 2018 champ who seems to still think its 2018 because the superbowl hangover continues for Ceedeez Nuts. Its difficult to watch this fall from grace after being a fan but it seems like this organization is content with its 1 ring but hey why wouldn’t they be? Nobody can take 2018 away from you champ. Goff Balls by a thousand for my lock of the week.
- O’delli Meatz vs Blazz Lightyear
This section is only dedicated for owners who attended the draft. However, I will say that the Blazz organization took a new strategy by drafting players that they have something in common with and can connect with.. One working shoulder. Now onto the real star of this matchup, O’delli Meatz. “Get on the scale.. Get off the scale”.. This team is bring the heavyweights to the gridiron this year. Meatz will be leaning heavily on the three headed monster of Russel Wilson, josh jacobs and OBshitonmychestJ which just might be enough to compete this year. I’m rocking with deli meats in this one as they actually show up on Sundays.
- Hepatitis D vs James Snorts that White
Its insane how easily these organizations could be swapped. If Hepatitis ever played the defense that snow white plays, history wouldn’t be the same. Unfortunately history is deemed to repeat itself if we don’t learn from it. Snow White turns in another hilarious draft and I’m sure we’ll be fighting to score 100 points to knock this dumpster fire out. Melvin baby knees Gordon, James White, edelman and pats D.. I guess this team would be sick in 2015 which is probably the last time Matt watched a cowboys game and actually rooted for them, fraud. Sorry got a little side tracked there by that fucking asshole but anyway yea glenns team is awful yet again but im sure we’ll hear about his fantasy pedigree right after he reads this. And now to my good friend Hepatitis.. 8458036761.. We can work out a deal. Hepatitis by 32.8 in this one.. Snow white is stuck in the bathroom taking one too many key bumps.
- The Clawwww vs Sammy gave me a Chubb
“The comeback will be greater than the fall. Revenge is sweet.” -The Clawwww
I finally know what Tom Brady and the 18-0 patriots must’ve felt like losing to the 9-7 New York Football Giants(remember matty? What a great day that was for us bud). The greats always bounce back though and The Clawwww is no exception. This outstanding organization had yet another dominating draft and is ready for another run at whats theirs. Expect The Clawwww to become the only 2x champ of this league as this season is dedicated to the ghost of ThreELI. Mike all I can say is, congrats champ and prepare for this ass raping week 1.
Welcome back boys.